Project Start: Lose 50 Pounds

God, that sounds hard.  It sounds like an impossible goal sitting on this side of it.  I have always struggled with my weight, typically "yo-yo"ing since I was a teenager, and always conscious and self-conscious about it, no matter how healthy I was at the time.  

I have come to realize that I have a medical condition, known as PCOS, that causes my body to go into a mode called "Insulin Resistance".  That is basically the step right before diabetes sets in, and why it is known as a pre-diabetic condition in medical circles.  What that means is that my body is shutting down the pathways to the cells that glucose would normally enter to level out blood sugar. So, my pancreas is overproducing insulin to force open these pathways.  Since the pathways are still opening, my body just works as normal, but one day, when my pancreas is overworked, it will shut down, and diabetes will be the instant result. It will look like to the outside observer that I didn't have diabetes one day, and the next, I did.  Scary thought, since you can't ever go back from that point. 

Right now, my blood sugar would register as normal, or in a healthy range, almost as if nothing was wrong.  But, my pancreas is working overtime, and every day I do not exercise or eat right is a day I walk toward the irreversible condition of diabetes.  That should be enough to get me going, right?  Well, it is not enough to just exercise.  It will be a huge step to just lose 10 pounds with this condition, but eating "right" is a must now.  And I say it that way because everyone has a different "right" way to eat for their particular situation.  

Doing a ton of research over the last two years about the kids' nutrition, I have gleaned much good information for myself as well.  And I can tell you that it is exactly the opposite of how I have been dieting/eating for health.  Low fat is not the answer, at least not for me.  

I have to stay away from processed carbs, sugar, bad fats.  Any of these foods will turn directly into fat because my system is telling itself to store the fat, since my cells are resisting the insulin. That is why it has been so hard for me to keep weight off.  A few years ago, I dropped 20 pounds over 9 months.  I was at the gym 5-6 days a week for 2 hours a day.  High intensity workouts and strength training.  Spinning, running, high impact aerobics - super high energy workouts.  I was burning almost 800-1000 calories every day, sometimes more.  I never cut back or changed what I was eating, only worked out more if I had a highly caloric day.  I built up an insane amount of muscle, but my weight dropped very slowly.  I should have realized it back then, but it was my PCOS that was preventing me from losing more weight faster. With how much I was exercising, I should have lost much more in that time.  After I fell off the exercise bandwagon, around December of that year, by February, I had already gained 10 of it back, and by summer, I wouldn't be caught dead in a bikini again.  It came back so fast and I never connected the dots. I worked my butt off and as soon as I stopped, I was worse off then I ever was before.  And then I got pregnant with the triplets!  Bad timing.  ;)

So, back story behind us (phew!), I need to change my eating habits and start exercising again.  I miss running so much that it hurts.  My peace, my quiet, and my aggression had an outlet - so many good feelings and thinking time - it is an incredible teacher.  Of endurance, patience, aggression, control and the ability to master different muscle use, I could go on and on!  

In Late July, I started to run again, on our treadmill in the house.  Not exactly the same as being outdoors, but it felt good.  I ran every day for a month, and then we lost Ruger.  So, my drive faltered, since he was so much a part of my morning routine, sniffing the track before and after, like he was wondering where I went on it... so cute.  Not to mention, that week, my knees ached so bad, I could barely walk the week that he died.  It was agonizing pain, physical and emotional. I always wondered what caused it and how, once I started again, I could avoid that pain.  

Having a nice chat with my doc this week, he and I agreed that I need to lose at least 30 pounds to start. Ok, fine. I knew that I needed to lose weight, but our conversation has me feeling like a bit of a loser. I went in with a torn muscle in my stomach.  A few weeks ago, I went outside of the garage to check if we had a package delivered.  It was a bitterly cold day, so I jogged quickly to get back inside.  Literally about 25 feet.  Before I got to the door, I felt a searing pain in my left side stomach area.  It burned like crazy and I knew I tore a muscle.  My doctor thinks it's a hernia.  From jogging 25 feet.  Wow.  That brought me to a new low.  

How fat do you have to be to tear a muscle jogging 25 feet?  How out-of-shape do you have to be?  Well, all of that is me right now.  And don't worry, this is not a "pity me" speech, so you don't have to leave me a comment to soothe my aching self esteem. :) I need this motivation, this anger at myself to move forward.  This is my "tacklin' fuel".  (Name that movie!) 

The other blow to my plan was his response to my question about the sore knees after running. He said not to even think about running until I lose 30 pounds.  WHAT?  But, I run.  That's what I do!  Now I have to walk??!  I need to run!  I felt like crying, like someone had taken away my most powerful weapon in the fight for all I want to physically be. It's just not fair.  (I know, wah, wah, wah.) 

So, my plan.

• Eat whole grains. Veggies. GOOD fats (olive oil, avocado, almonds, etc...). Fruits. Lean protein. No low fat foods, since they tend to bump up carbs to compensate.  No low carb diet, since all I need is a Low G.I. diet. Yummy, whole grain forms of carbs. Another post! 

• Watch my calorie intake.  The next post will show the calculator I robbed from another weight loss blog I stalk.  

• Plan my meals for the week, including snacks, until it gets to be second nature.  

• Exercise. Walk. Up a serious incline. Blech.

And if all goes well, I can theoretically lose 2 pounds a week.  It's been done!  I am inspired by the blog I am reading, unfortunately private, but she is a triplet mama and she is doing it.  She keeps losing 2 pounds every week, so I am encouraged.  

I would love to join the Y again, since I adored their facility.  I need variety with my workouts, and that allowed me to choose what I wanted to do when I got there.  Plus!  They have an hour and a half of free child care every day.  Woo hoo!  We live too far away and don't have a second vehicle right now...so it just isn't a financial option at the moment.  Remember?  No money!!  lol

So, tomorrow morning, I start to exercise, which means I have to get up earlier than the troops.

No more sleeping in!